May 7, 2010 in Recipes, Wellness by empoweringwellness

Sharing a Meal – The Gift My Mother Gave Me

I first published this on Mother’s Day 2009. My mom passed away in January 2011, but I am thinking of her today. Happy Mother’s Day mom!

My love of food and cooking comes from my mother. When I was a little boy, I would remember coming home from school to warm and magical smells from the kitchen that would fill the entire house. To this day, I can bring myself back to the moment when I would open our front door, and the smell of cakes, pies, soups, stews would greet me and tell me ‘you are home.’

My mother was a wonderful cook and she taught me how to cook. She taught me to make a white sauce when I was six years old. Like an apprentice in a French restaurant, she got me started cooking by teaching me how to make sauces and gravies. We then moved onto more complicated dishes, and eventually I could pull together an entire meal, a warm cucumber salad, roast chicken with potatoes and gravy, and an apple crumble for dessert.

But this isn’t just a story about learning to cook. It’s about learning to share, and the importance of sitting down together, as a family, and sharing a meal lovingly prepared. Sharing a meal is an act of nurturing. It is an act of caring and it harkens back to prehistoric days when clans would gather round the fire and share the spoils of the daily hunt. The act of sharing a meal brings us together as people and as family.

Studies seem to support this notion too. In an article in today’s Washington Post’s food section titled If Big Mama Could See Me Now, Michelle Singletary writes, “compared with teens who frequently eat dinner with their families, those who rarely sit down to family meals are 3-1/2 times as likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana, according to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University.” As you can see, the simple act of sharing a meal as a family unit, has a profound impact on our children.

A few years ago, my mother, then in her late 80′s came to visit my wife and me in Northern Virginia. We were able to cook together for the first time in many years. And she was determined to show me how she made Beef Rouladen, a hearty dish that I loved so much as a child. I acted as her sous chef that Sunday afternoon; chopping, slicing and assisting her, amazed that she could prepare this meal from memory after all these years. I chopped parsely to sprinkle on as a garnish, and she gently chided me that I had not chopped it finely enough. “The flavor of the parsely blossoms in your mouth when it is finely chopped,” she said. And she was right. Always the teacher.

My mother doesn’t cook much these days. She is 92, and lives with my brother and his family in a small apartment that my brother built as an addition to his house. But, she still enjoys sharing meals with my brother, his wife and her grandchildren. And at the end of the day, she and my brother share a glass of wine together before saying good night.

When my wife and I visit my brother, we all get together to prepare big meals that we all share. Everyone, from my little niece Katie, my nephews Daniel and David, my brother, his wife, my wife, and I all have a hand in preparing the meal — whatever it may be. My mother hovers around, acting as the approving executive chef in our family kitchen. And then we all sit down at the table, share the stories of our day together, and talk about our dreams of the future. The warmth and love from the food does more than nurture our stomach — it fuels our souls.

I shall call my mother this Sunday, and wish her a happy Mother’s day. And I will tell her how much I love her, and how much she has given me in my life. I think it’s time for another visit. Perhaps she can give me another cooking lession, and along with it, a lesson in love and life, for those are things that you are never too old to learn.

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms who care, love, nurture and give.

Blessings.