May 2, 2012 in Emotional Healing, featured, Massage Therapy by empoweringwellness

Emotional Healing, Tissue Memory and Bodywork – What Happens and Why It is a Good Thing

Eastern medicine and thought have long ago made the connection between our body and our mind. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) takes this idea one step further with the view that we are all connected to the earth and the surrounding universe. Most Native and aboriginal cultures recognize the mind / body connection as well as the deeper connection to the universe. Somehow we in the West fell off that wagon, and it’s only now that we’re trying to get back on.

In his groundbreaking book, “Healing Ancient Wounds – A Renegade’s Wisdom,” author John Barnes describes how injuries and trauma encountered in life affect our minds as well as our bodies. He describes how during treatment of the body, all kinds of feelings and sensations can be released. These sensations may include shaking, pain, tremors, and emotions. Barnes says that feelings are released by triggering what he calls “tissue memory.”

Our body responds to triggers brought on by our five senses: sight, smell, taste, sound, and touch. These are called “proprioceptive triggers.” Powerful images of tragic events such as those that occurred on September 11th, can bring you back to that moment. You may vividly recall exactly where you were and what you were doing. Songs or music may also produce triggers. For me, the old Glenn Miller classic “Moonlight Serenade,” brings me back to my wedding day. All of the emotions, the excitement of that first dance with my wife come flooding back to me. More than 20 years later, the images, emotions and memories associated with that song are still as strong as they were on the day I was married. And all it takes is a song!

Similarly, when fascia (the densely woven connective tissue that surrounds every muscle, bone, nerve, artery and vein as well as all of our internal organs including the heart, lungs, brain and spinal cord) is released through touch, tissue memory can also be triggered. What is especially interesting about fascia is that it is not just a system of separate coverings. It is actually one structure that exists from head to foot without interruption. As such, each part of the body is connected to each other. This is one reason why pain may occur in other parts of the body, away from the area of the original trauma.

When an area injured during trauma (whether it is an accident, abuse, invasive surgery) is released, all of the feelings, emotions, and sensations that you experienced during the initial event may also be released. The same fear, the same pain, the same anxiety may resurface, just as intensely as when the original trauma occurred. At the subconscious level, this is what your body has been feeling all along. In order to fully heal, these sensations must be fully felt so that they can be released.

In her book, “A Patient’s Guide to Understanding John F. Barnes Myofascial Release,” physical therapist Cathy Covell writes:

Fully feeling these sensations is easy to say, but not always easy to do. Remember that the sensations can feel as intense as they did during the initial trauma itself. Many times these sensations that occurred during the trauma were overwhelming, which is why we didn’t release them in the first place. One of our self-defense mechanisms that automatically take over when we are overwhelmed with pain, fear, etc. is to leave our body. What I mean is that we can become completely numb and stuff the pain and emotions. It can seem just as overwhelming when the tissue memory is triggered again.

A sensitive therapist, within the therapeutic environment, can help a client fully connect mind and body, and help the client to safely release the sensations associated with the trauma. It is only through this kind of release that you can truly heal. Unless you completely let go, your body continues to experience the trauma at a subconscious level. If the body doesn’t release, restrictions can form in the fascia, creating chronic pain and making it worse over time. The added stress on your body may also compromise your body’s immune system, which can lead to other forms of illness.

Within the therapeutic environment, with a competent and sensitive therapist, you have the ability to release and clear the pain and trauma of the past. When we fully let go of the pain of our past, we can embrace life in the present, and experience the love and beauty of living in the moment.

December 9, 2011 in Body image, Emotional Healing, Massage Therapy by empoweringwellness

Stop Judging Your Beautiful Self

My recent article and video about Lomi Lomi massage has sparked a discussion about body image. Today, I’m featuring an article written by Rebecca Jones who is a colleague from the Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals (ABMP) association. Rebecca continues the discussion here with her article about the positive impact that touch therapy can have on body image.

Massage Fits You (yes, YOU!)
Rebecca Jones

Sol Benson loathed her body. It went beyond mere embarrassment at how “fat” she was. Deeper still was the conviction that her body was unworthy of love, underserving of nurturing.

And it was that alienation from her own body that for years kept Benson, a professional dancer who has waged a lifelong battle with anorexia, from getting massage. “I stayed away because getting a massage was being good to myself,” said the 45-year-old Colorado mother of two, whose own mother and brother are massage therapists. “If I’m on a weight loss cycle, it’s like ‘I don’t deserve love, I don’t deserve food, I don’t deserve to feel good about myself.’”

Benson credits Mary Rose–a Boulder, Colorado, massage therapist who has developed a special style of acupressure for the physically fragile–with understanding her psychological fragility enough to help her turn massage into a tool for healing, rather than a doorway to despair.

It was the tender care from Rose, Benson explains, that helped the process. Her nonjudgmental ways helped Benson maintain balance. If, however, Rose had brought up weight, or in this case, the lack thereof, Benson admits it could have sent her into another purging cycle.

Managing Body Image
Benson’s story illustrates just how complex the issues of body image can be in 21st century America and just how valuable bodywork is in mending distorted body image.

Developing a positive body image is about becoming present, grounded, open, aware, and unafraid to find what’s at the core and work through it. It’s about being mindful, and listening to what your body has to say–a big step on the way to a healthier lifestyle and not necessarily an easy one to take. It requires courage and hard work to learn self-acceptance. And bodywork can play a key role in this endeavor.

With America in the grip of an obesity epidemic–while at the same time holding up waif-like thinness as a cultural ideal–many people are worried about excess pounds and the harsh judgments that accompany them. Embarrassment at the thought of uncovering imperfect bodies for the close contact of a massage or bodywork session drives away untold numbers of potential clients.

The problem isn’t limited to issues of weight. Many people avoid massage because of embarrassment about acne, surgical scars, birthmarks they consider unsightly, or some other physical deformity or flaw.

“A really common one is, ‘I have such ugly feet,’” Rose says. “I always laugh and say that in 20 years, I haven’t seen an ugly foot yet. People just have bad attitudes about their feet. In general, people are so self-judgmental.”

Relax, Really
Massage therapists specialize in the human body. They don’t judge. Rather, they see anatomy.

“This is something that’s so prevalent and something we deal with daily,” says Jonathan Burt, 27, a Detroit massage therapist and massage instructor. “I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard, ‘I have to wait until I get into shape before I come in for a massage.’ Clients think they have to be in shape before they can relax.” Newsflash: Relaxation is not exclusive to model body types.

Given the increased blood flow that results from massage, as well as the benefits to the lymphatic and other body systems, Burt believes overweight people and others who suffer from limited mobility are the people most likely to benefit from a good massage. That’s why he especially treasures his larger clients.

The idea of taking your clothes off for a massage is often more intimidating than the reality. In fact, practitioners make draping an art form, ensuring the client doesn’t feel exposed. And by the way, says Burt, you’re not the only imperfect body around here. “We all have flaws,” says Burt, who gave his first massage at age seven, when his grandmother, a double amputee, asked him to massage her stumps. “Myself, I’m not the American Gladiator. I inform people I have flaws as well, and I’d be more than willing to help them overcome their self-consciousness.”

Viewpoint: Compassion
We’re all in this together, and your massage therapist is operating from a place of compassion. Your practitioner is there to create and hold a safe space for you. Says Charlie Murdach, 38, a Portsmouth, New Hampshire, massage therapist, “For me, it’s meeting the person where that person is and addressing that person in an appropriate and compassionate way.”

Murdach, who has been a massage therapist since 1990, says he has yet to meet a potential client that he can’t help, regardless of that person’s physical condition. He believes this is due to the massage therapist’s ability to avoiding forcing anything, but to also being open to the possibility that miracles can happen.

Murdach explains your practitioner’s role: “Whatever is going on with that person, whether it’s a deformity or some type of disability, I make sure I can step up and hold the waters calm for that person. It doesn’t matter if they’re missing an arm, or have a deformed hand, the person who is standing there desires to move forward.”

Getting a massage can do wonders for body image and help bridge the disconnect between the physical and emotional. A wounded psyche can lead you to believe you don’t deserve a massage, and this is when you need it the most!

Take the first step. Schedule an appointment with me today by using my online scheduling system.

July 2, 2010 in Emotional Healing, Massage Therapy, Wellness by empoweringwellness

The Need for Touch – A Follow Up

A while back, I wrote a post called “The Need for Touch.” I came across this quote by Virginia Satir this morning that makes the perfect complement to my original post. I want to share it with you today.

We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

~ Virginia Satir

Studies have shown that nurturing touch has remarkable benefits. Touch can be relaxing and comforting; it reassures. It helps to relax the body, and when this happens our immune system is actually strengthened.

I love this article titled, The Benefits of Human Touch. It concludes by saying that positive touch benefits everyone.

Touch is vital to the positive health and development of all human beings, regardless of age. Humans need to touch and be touched, just like they need food and water. It is a way of communicating, lifting their spirits, and experiencing happiness in their lives. Without it, people experience sadness, loneliness and isolation. It is important to have this physical contact in people’s lives, yet in today’s society many people are removed from benefiting from it due to negative associations with touch or lack of someone to share touch with.

This is why people have started seeking other forms of human touch in their lives such as attending a Cuddle Party, going for a regular massage, or experiencing other forms of healthy touch.

March 15, 2010 in Emotional Healing by empoweringwellness

What is love?

I rarely open emails that are forwarded to me. You know that kind of email I am talking about – the kind that asks you to forward it on to 5 of your friends. 

But, last week I received an email that really moved me, and I thought I would share it with you here. Apparently, a group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds ‘What does love mean?’  The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

Here are their replies.

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

Rebecca- age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

Terri – age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Danny – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’

Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

Bobby – age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

Nikka – age 6 \

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and then he wears it every day.”

Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

Cindy – age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”

Clare – age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”

Elaine-age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”

Chris – age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

Lauren – age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”

Karen – age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”

Mark – age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

Jessica – age 8

And the final one. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

“Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

I hope these descriptions of love brighten your day. Spread the love friends!

Peace.

December 6, 2009 in Emotional Healing by empoweringwellness

Reclaiming Your Body and Spirit – Loving Touch and Trauma Recovery

I wrote this article for Owning Pink and it was first published there on September 30, 2009. Domestic violence is still a scourge in our country, with 3 women each day being killed by their partner. Please. If you are a victim, read this article and know: you are not alone. There are people ready, willing and able to help.

Sometimes, you have to go a long way out of the way, in order to come back a short distance correctly. – From “The Zoo Story,” by Edward Albee

Time: The Present

I’ve come to my current career very late in my life. After working for many years in both government and in the corporate world, I walked away from that life 5 years ago. I wanted to do something completely different. I wanted to help people in a different way. So, I became a massage therapist and coach, and now just like the character in Albee’s play, I feel that I’m on my proper path and I’m on a collision course with my destiny.

The story doesn’t stop there however. I could be working in a spa somewhere, doing hot stone massage, or lavender salt scrub treatments (which are both great by the way!). No, my path is very different. I work with women who are victims and survivors of abuse and trauma. The majority of my clients are victims of sexual abuse or domestic violence.

In many respects trauma is something that we’ve all experienced to one degree or another. You may have been in or have witnessed an accident or other traumatic event. You might have received invasive surgery. Or, you may have experienced violence at the hand of a partner or spouse. Trauma is all around us, and we are all survivors.

Most of us actually diminish the effects of trauma to the detriment of our physical and emotional health. Victims quickly learn survival and coping skills. They dissociate from their bodies. In extreme cases, they become numb from the effects of drugs or alcohol, and they begin to lose feeling in their bodies. The pain is numbed out, but this process is not selective. Victims also cannot feel joy, and they numb out their capacity to feel safe and alive and enjoy the world around them.

So, the work of the therapist here is, to gently and lovingly, reintroduce touch back to the victim. A sensitive and caring therapist guides clients through this process, asking “Where is the pain or tension?” and always asking permission to touch. Over the course of the work, the client slowly begins to take residence in her body again.

You may think that I have taken an odd or unusual path. I have wondered about that myself, especially in the beginning. When I first started my practice, I wondered, “Why are these women coming to see me? What is it that I’m putting out there?” But as I have moved down this path, the answer became clearer to me, and as you might expect, the answer was really right in front of me all the time.

You see, I have witnessed and have experienced abuse first hand and I too am a survivor of sorts.

Time: The Past

My father was a functional alcoholic. On the surface, he was friendly and gregarious. But, when he drank a very dark side came out. I witnessed my father slamming my sister into a wall and beating her for some infraction that I no longer am able to remember. I routinely cowered in my room; afraid to come out as my father abused my mother, listening to shouting and screaming matches that seemed to go on for hours, but I’m sure were really only minutes.

When I was four years old, I disobeyed my father. I wanted to go outside and play. It had been raining and there was water everywhere. My father said, “Don’t get wet or you will be very sorry!”

I went outside, and as little boys are likely to do, I jumped in puddles and splashed around everywhere.

I got wet. I was soaked to the skin.

When my mother called me for dinner, I got scared. I ran and hid in a little secret garden space in a hedgerow located on the side of our house. Perhaps if I stayed there long enough I would dry. But, I was so wet that I began to shiver. I sat there, listening to my mother call me, and then my father. I heard footsteps and then I saw my father’s face. He saw that I was soaked.

The last thing I remember was the look of anger on his face as grabbed my arm and pulled me violently into the air. I vaguely remember the first blow, and I have no further recollections after that. I have tried over the years to remember, but the memories are completely blacked out. I can remember, several hours later, seeing my father in the darkened living room watching television. I remember walking over to the sofa, asking him if I could sit next to him, and asking him if he still loved me. But, I cannot remember anything else. Those minutes, those moments, are completely lost to me.

As I grew older, the yelling, screaming and fighting continued. When I was sixteen, it finally stopped.

It was a particularly violent argument. My father had been drinking again and the usual scene was being played out. I was in my room, fearing the worst when I heard my father say to my mother, “I’m going to kill you.” I will never forget those words.

The rest is a blur to me, but I remember running to the kitchen and stepping in between my father and mother. I stared into his eyes and saw the rage.
I was terrified when I said, “Don’t you touch my mother.”

My fists clenched and I was ready to take the first blow, but I was determined that this would end, right then and there.

He just stared at me. Once again, time seemed to stop for me. It seemed like an eternity. My father mumbled something. I stiffened, ready to fight back, my fists clenched. He mumbled something again, and then he softened and turned away. My mother just looked at me and said, “Go to bed. It’s ok.”

That was the last violent time I remember. Yes, there were the disagreements that most families have. But, the screaming and the shouting stopped. I felt I could breathe at last. We all could.

Time: The Present. A Typical Session.

Working with trauma victims / survivors is very different. It’s not a typical massage session.

Initial sessions are usually done with the client fully clothed and every session is different, and tailored to the specific needs of my clients. There is no protocol, no cookbook. I do start with the detailed physical and medical history, and I ask a lot of questions about a client’s emotional health. I need to understand what she is ready for, and what she is willing to undertake. I usually ask a very simple question. “Is there anything in your past that you would feel comfortable sharing with me today?”

I almost always start with some sort of visualization and breathing exercise. I ask the client to take stock of her body, to scan it and I ask if there is any place that feels pain, tension, or feels empty. The client has to set the tone of the session. It is her session, not mine. She sets the pace. I will ask if there is an area of her body where she would like to receive work, and then I ask if she would like some contact in that area.

Sometimes, I will ask her to touch the part of her body where she would like to receive work. Permission is always required, as the goal of the session is to bring the client back into her body, to reconnect the mind and body, and to awaken the client. Throughout this process, I’m constantly checking in with the client to identify any feelings that may be taking shape.

The most important aspect of the work is to pay attention and be exceptionally present for her. This is not the time for me to be thinking about the errands I have to run on my way home from the office, or what I have to do tomorrow, or what I’d like to have for dinner or lunch. I am constantly monitoring my client’s reactions to see how my touch affects her. Is she clenching her teeth, her fists? Is her brow furrowed? Has her breathing pattern changed?

Subtle touch and energy modalities such as Reiki and Cranial Sacral Therapy can also be effective. I have taught Reiki to clients – there are a number of self-healing and grounding exercises that can help to restore a person. I also focus on mindfulness and teach conscious breathing and other meditative practices to help a client live in this moment, in this now. Over time, they learn to live one day at a time.

It takes time. But, a sensitive therapist, within the therapeutic environment, can help a client fully connect mind and body, and help the client to safely release the sensations associated with the trauma or abuse. It is only through this kind of release that you can truly heal. Unless you completely let go, your body continues to experience the trauma at a subconscious level. When we fully let go of the pain of our past, we can embrace life in the present, and experience the love and beauty of living in the moment.

Where to turn for help:

You’re scared. You’re frightened. You feel alone and feel that you have no place to go.
But, you are not alone and you can get help. Most major metropolitan areas have rape crisis centers. There are also resources for domestic violence.

In an emergency: Call 911 if you need immediate assistance of if you’ve already been hurt.

For advice and support: If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a nonprofit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families. Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.

For rape or sexual assault: RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network).RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization. At any given moment, more than 1,100 trained volunteers are on duty and available to help victims at RAINN-affiliated crisis centers across the country.

To reach a qualified counselor for help, call 1-800-656-HOPE.

For a safe place to stay: Contact your state’s branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or another local organization. For contact information, visit their site.

If you are being abused please remember:

• You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.
• You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior.
• You deserve to be treated with respect.
• You deserve a safe and happy life.
• Your children deserve a safe and happy life.
• You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.

If you are a survivor, it is indeed possible to reclaim your body and reconnect to your spirit. It takes courage, and it can be done.

Forgiveness

As for me, I’m still working to reclaim the memories of that four year old boy. I want those memories back, even if they are painful. They are mine. They have made me who I am today. I want to know what happened. I need to know what happened so that I will never forget. I own those memories, and I will recover them.

Over time, I forgave my father. I never fully understood why he would boil over in such a rage when he drank. Perhaps it was something in his childhood. He rarely would share his emotions or his experiences. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he lost both of his parents when he was only 5 years old.

Or perhaps his rage was caused by his experiences in WWII. He fought with the US Army throughout Europe and would never, ever talk about what he did, or what he saw. Post-traumatic stress syndrome was barely known back then. They called it “shell shock,” or “battle fatigue,” and treatment was inconsistent and usually ineffective.

There always was an uneasy tension between us created by the memory of that night when I was 16 years old. My father is an enigma to me and I will never know him. He passed away in 1984. We spent the intervening years with small talk and chit chat. We never, ever talked about that night, or about any of the hundreds of nights when there was anger and violence. He’s gone now, and I missed my opportunity to get to know and understand him.

If he were here today, I would have the courage to reach out to him. I have different skills now, and I’m a much different person. It is the courage that only comes from having traveled a long way out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.

Peace.